you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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