Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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