WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
