Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
