I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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