we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
