drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
high people should be assigned attendants
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
