I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
