I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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