I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
