Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
