I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I need moral support for this bender
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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