just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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