Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
