Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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