If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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