Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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