Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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