I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
