haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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