there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
