i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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