is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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