We need to rekindle our bromance
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
