i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
