I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
