Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
