Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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