at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
as a side note pls kill me
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
