wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
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