apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
