went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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