You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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