I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i dont even know how to be here
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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