I bet he comes in French.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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