dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
