there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
