I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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