His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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