On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
