I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
