my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
