You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
