I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
