Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
