So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize