if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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