He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
