You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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