He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
