my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
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To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
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I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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