I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
