Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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