Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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