I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
