Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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