My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
