There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
