I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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