I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
