Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
