I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
