Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
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I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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