If that was your dad, he is hot
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
