She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
