You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The air taste purple.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
