jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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