Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
