No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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