You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
